I CAN MOONWALK!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
