a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
