I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
FUCK WHALES
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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