Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
