we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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