Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
