I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
