im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
