I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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