When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
high people should be assigned attendants
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
