i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
