Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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