3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
