My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The best revenge is premature balding
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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