She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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