dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
