Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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