sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
