Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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