dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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