We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
