I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
