Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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