once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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