What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
