i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
