I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think your dad took our porno
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize