plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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