The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
