Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
