I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
