i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
