but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
