holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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