Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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