What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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