I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
