mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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