I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
