Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
