my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
