Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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