What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize