I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
