Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
