Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So many bounce houses so little time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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