what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
