And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
