We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
