My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
