Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
